5 Types of SEOs

Winston Ong~May 30, 2015 /SEO Blog
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Winston Ong

I'm a Sydney based SEO consultant and search marketer. I blog about unique SEO topics the main sites don't talk about, and like fiddling around with real world SEO experiments that shed light on the limits of Googlebot.
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Which one are you?

1. The Rand FishkinRand Fishkin parody

*Sigh* How can I get my clients to stop thinking about links? Why don’t they get that SEO is so much more than just keywords? I’m a digital marketer, I don’t even ‘do’ SEO anymore – I’m way better than that.

Lol keywords in the page title tag? That’s so 2003. The thing is, it’s all about content. Great content (naturally). By the way did you see Rand’s last WBF? Wasn’t it great?

Oh you want to see examples of content I’ve created? Uh well I’m still working on my site, but check out my YouMoz profile and rankings on the Moz leaderboard – over 2,000 Moz blog comments this year”


2. The Dinosaur

SEO Dinosaur

“Kids these days, going on about their fancy inbound marketing strategies and insta-tweets. I’ve been doing SEO before Google, so trust me when I tell you I know what search engines want.

It’s not rocket science, all you need is a good link wheel (not reciprocal of course!) and W3C validation.



Why sonny, you’ve got a lot to learn about search engine marketing if you think Alta Vista is going to like that Bootstrap rubbish.

Now get off my lawn!”

3. The Tim Ferriss

Did you know that 99.999% of your time spent at work is completely unnecessary? Of course not, because you’ve never studied productivity like Tim Ferriss and other gurus of the Lifestyle Design movement. Once you start thinking about the bigger picture – you’ll realise how hacking the modern 9-5 career paradigm can give you the ability to run a multi-million dollar company from the Phillipines, living in luxury for less than $20 per month and becoming a black belt in Judo at 6% body fat by switching to a highly advanced keto-synergy diet recently developed by NASA scientists.Tim Ferriss guru

Tim Ferriss SEO’s are often highly independent, value mobility, perceived efficiency and scaling things.

“Why commute to work in an office when I can just Skype my clients from my bedroom? I’ve just earned myself an additional 1.2 hours of productivity! Or better yet – pay 20 Cambodian virtual assistants to impersonate me so I can attend 20 client Skype meetings at the same time. That’s a 2000% increase in productivity!

Actual work is for losers. Winners take advantage of the new, flat, connected and globalised world economy where I can pay a team in India to do my keyword research for me, so I can focus on higher value added tasks – like finding a team in Vietnam to write my next content marketing eBook while I drink this advanced muscle fibre protein shake.”


4. The Used Car Salesman

seo salesman“Hey there, my name’s Matt – founder of Elite SEO Ninjas Pty Ltd. We are a team of the world’s best search engine optimisation experts, specialising in PPC, CRO, Analytics, Email Marketing, SoLoMo, iphone app development, web development, web design, graphic design, keyword optimisation, digital marketing strategy, operational consulting, strategic management development, content marketing, and social media.

With over 1,000 years of combined experience, we know exactly how to get you to position 1 for every single keyword being searched by your customers.

To date, we’ve delivered over 3,000,000 page 1 keywords to our small business and ASX listed company clients.

Keyword packages start from $340 per month* incl. GST. Call now for a FREE website audit and receive my FREE eBook 412 Things You Need to Start Doing to be Successful at Online Marketing worth over $9,000”

*Paid upfront on 65 month contract.


5. The Search Engine “Scientist”

SEO scientistNo one really understands how exactly Google’s ranking algorithm works, but that doesn’t stop the more technically minded SEO’s from running correlation experiments, tracking hundreds of thousands of keyword position data points and attempting to find some pattern or logic from what in reality is an absolute drop in the ocean of real data.

The scientist takes a methodical approach to understanding rankings, and they may send you a report of recommendations which are based on analysing metrics of your competitors ranking in positions above your website.

“You can see that the page ranking in the position 3 result has a domain authority of 45, whereas your site only has a domain authority of 38.”

“But the position 1 result has a domain authority of 23.”

“Yeah but still”

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  1. I think I’m a bit of a used car salesman… Hahaha! I do know these Tim Ferriss types well, all about outsourcing to the Philippines and posting photoshopped pictures of their cars. Good stuff Winston, made some light lunchtime entertainment for us. 🙂

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